Tips And Techniques To Change Your Life

 Hi, my name is Mary Speller. I want to introduce myself, share my story and the discoveries that motivated me to write my blog.

For many years, I had struggled with justifying my existence, using but not valuing my strengths and abilities. I did not seek out people who could gain from my abilities, and often kept my ideas quiet as I thought I was “showing off”. In spite of these beliefs, I did wonder what it was that made some people more successful, talented or famous than the rest of the world. What could I learn from them? Are they so different from the rest of us?

Throughout the ages, there have always been the “tall poppies”, the high achievers, the conquerors, the dictators, the exceptionally gifted and inventors. It is very easy to compare ourselves and find ourselves lacking or see ourselves as ordinary. To me, these people are given to us to be guiding lights, mentors, inspirers and sometimes warnings of what we, as humans, are capable of. They live among us to show us what abilities and talents we have within us so that we can tap into our own uniqueness and strengths.

I remember the first eight years of my life as pure magic, the sun always seemed to shine, everything was so wondrous, and there is a bit of me that still believes in Santa. We lived in a small rural community and I viewed the world through my imaginative play, and amazement at everything I learned. I was a little chatterbox. I carried around a little chair and whenever my mother stopped in one place, I would sit down and talk to her.

Over the years I discovered my love of reading, writing, language, ideas and possibilities, music, dance, people and what makes them tick. I am a perfectionist with high expectations of myself, and I have a tendency to “do the impossible” and have had some amazing successes. I have also learned that some challenges are not worth taking on, and my time could be used more wisely.

Sadly, I found myself in several unsafe situations in my childhood and teens (outside my own family), and also faced the deaths of my father, sister and both grandmothers in a six year period. This led to some unwise choices of my own in my late teens and early adulthood which made my life and also the lives of my children very difficult.

In the late 1970's, I moved from New Zealand where I was born and grew up, and went to live in Hong Kong for more than 13 years. During this time, I married and had 5 wonderful children. I learned some Cantonese and travelled internationally. The experience of living in a totally different culture changed my perspective on the culture of my early years in New Zealand and how people are influenced by their social environment. Unfortunately, at the same time, our family circumstances were unraveling and it affected all members of the family.

In early 1992, I realized that for the safety and sanity of myself and my family I had to make changes. I had an epiphany that what was going on in my life and the life of my children was much worse than I had previously recognized, and that I had to take responsibility for changing that. When I made that decision, I had no idea what I was going to do. I had to check out my options and make decisions at that point and work out what was best for the family. All I knew for sure was that I had to do something.

As a result of this realization, I moved back to New Zealand with the children and we began to build a new life. We lived for a long time on very limited funds, in a too-small apartment, and I had to fight the bureaucracy to get assistance for my family. This fight taught me how to use government processes to challenge policy, to lobby the politicians and how “ordinary” citizens can push for law changes. I studied Social Policy at university and loved learning about the laws which govern people's well being and entitlements in New Zealand.

I trained as a writing tutor and taught women to write their personal short stories and poems, which were published each year. I also trained as an advocate and worked for 8 years assisting people on low incomes and in difficult circumstances to get any help they were entitled to.

From a young age, I always had the feeling that I was not challenging myself and doing my best work. As an advocate, I often fought successfully to get assistance for people, but their overall circumstances appeared the same. I found it very frustrating that I was unable to bring about bigger changes in their lives. I finally realized that even though I wanted to make a difference, they had to personally feel the drive or call to change, no matter what, even if they did not know how, just as I had. I also realized that we all have our own journey which is different for each of us. My journey is my responsibility, my mistakes, my learning curve, my successes, my extraordinary life.

This realization led me to learn about mindset, focus, goal-setting, personal belief, and learning about what an extraordinary life means to me. I also realized that I had done many extraordinary things in my life, and had extraordinary things happen to me and learned a great deal from these. The problem was that I had not recognized the value I had received, and the lessons that were contained in those experiences. I started to appreciate what I had learned, and how strong I had become, and that I had something to offer others who needed support and encouragement.

I began to understand that the change that I desired would come about using the same skills, tools and mindset that the high achievers use. With their talents, knowledge and dreams they chose to learn how to move from where they were, to where they wanted to be. They did not all “have it easy”. They did not all know how to make it work, but they knew that where they wanted to be was worth the effort. Sometimes that desire to change came from knowing that the current situation is intolerable, and sometimes it came from seeing that the dream is better.

By making these discoveries, I knew I had a message that I wanted to share with others who are experiencing that absolute conviction that they need to change. I have created a blog which focuses on three important areas of creating a life that is perfect for you -knowing yourself and your strengths, keeping yourself healthy physically, mentally and spiritually, and creating an income. Having a desire to change does need to be converted into practical steps. Having a dream needs to be turned into practical goals. Achieving your dream requires motivation and a healthy mindset. Doing your best relies on knowing yourself and tapping into your strengths and abilities. How can I help you to achieve your goals?

I am training as a business coach and have witnessed people making amazing discoveries about who they are and what they can do. In the last year, I found that I no longer having the feeling that I am not doing my best. Instead I feel that I am starting to do my best work, and that as I gain more experience, I will be able to do more than I can even imagine now.

The biggest discovery for me was the fact that I can tap into the same tools that high achievers use, and create a life that uses my strengths and talents. I look forward to what each day brings, and love finding new ways to build my business. I am now living a more balanced life that is bringing satisfaction to both myself and my family. I am living the life that I enjoy with travel, photography, meeting people and making some very special friends who have similar goals and values to myself. Most of all, I love being a role model, inspirer and mentor to people who have come to the realization that changing has become a top priority.